Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A List

Warning: There is a very cliche post on the horizon. I'll do my best here, but no grand promises.

On Valentine's Day in 2002, my roommate and two other friends and I sat in our college dorm rooms and made lists. Lists that described the hypothetical person we wanted to be with. This was about three months before starting my first serious relationship and I remember going back to the list and thinking "Not bad." Three years later (after what felt like Chernobyl), I knew I'd have a few more things to tack on should I ever revisit the exercise.

Three years after that, having recently read an article suggesting this and sensing the need for a little personal clarity in the department, I have taken to writing another list. It is supposed to have 100 things on it. I am stuck at 60. #61 has been each of the following in turn:

- "Likes the smell of used bookstores."
- "Rolls up the sleeves of button-down shirts."
- "Has a green thumb."
- "Believes in evolution."
- "Isn't bothered by subtitles."
- "No crazy ex-girlfriends still in the picture."

Each time they were backspaced with me wondering if I'm not being overly specific or if the universe could possibly misunderstand me. What if the universe delivers me a crazy ex-WIFE rather than an ex-girlfriend? A profound believer in the evolution of the flying spaghetti monster? Or someone constantly smelling like a roughshot combo of mildew and homegrown herbal?

Then I realized that I do have 59 other items on the list that would probably prevent these things (to an attractive degree). And that my cynicism was self-defeating the purpose. So I added them all back on and now I have 66. The last 34 could prove challenging so I'll just leave you with an uplifting little number I just found on the NYT site. The funniest part of the process thus far has been looking back and seeing what I unintentionally repeat. Yikes.

8 comments:

d said...

haha. a list. i'm not sure i have put enough thought into my hopes for 'that' person. i just don't know who she'll be or what she'll be like, in all honesty.

Susie said...

This is great because a couple months ago my friend found an article on Oprah.com about knowing your "core values" and how you should share them with your potential partner.

So, one night with nothing else to do, my friends and I sat down and listed our core values. I think I accidentally threw mine away...but it was a good exercise. Makes you think twice about certain. things...and certain people.

Nilsa S. said...

I think the exercise itself of making the list is important. As Susie said, you think twice about what's meaningful to you. But, when it comes down to practice, I'd leave that list at home. In reality, there will be times (rightfully so) when you're willing to overlook items on the list - you're not compromising your values, just realizing if the person fits a majority of the things you're looking for, it's ok if he/she doesn't fit one or two.

pbandrazz said...

after taking the time to make a visualization chart, i might as well make a list, right?

i don't know if i can make it past 50 though....i'll keep you posted.

and i love myopic...except when i go upstairs and i feel as though i might fall through the floor onto some other customer.

Christy Lou Who said...

I am also a big fan of the rolled up sleeves on a button-down shirt. Where would we be without the sleeve roll-up? I'll tell you: nowhere near where we should be.

ToKissTheCook said...

D: You trust yourself, which is good. I on the other hand have some very specific patterns. And I think of them like a crooked grill. They need braces. No headgear though, I'm bad with strict anything.

Susie: Hahaha- Exactly. I don't see myself getting too too serious with this (cause I'm just not too serious about anything) but it's good for me to sit and think about where I stand and who I want to stand up next to.

Nilsa: Of course. Again, I just knew I hadn't thought about it for awhile and it's been showing in some interesting internal compromises. The right person is the right person and I'm not going out with a photocopy list making check marks! Although can you imagine? T'would be HILARIOUS to do that at a bar one night.

PBR: Myopic is amazing. And the fact that it's hazardous just makes me love it more. Unfortunately that attitude's not just relegated to book stores, hence the list. Is it terrible to pull something from the new SI Swimsuit Edition for my Visualization Board? Yes it is. Look at that... just answered my own question. Keep me posted on how your list goes!

Christy Lou:hahahahaha...I agree. It's just sexy when they do that! With the exception of "Swingers" I'm a bit prejudiced against short sleeve button downs. Growing up an hour from Ole Miss will do that to you.

Thomas said...

Cliched posts make the world go 'round.

ToKissTheCook said...

Thomas: Certainly gives a little comfort to know people done survived it before, doesn't it?

And welcome..you hail from one of my very favorite places!