Monday, August 4, 2008

Confession: I was kind've a wuss today.

I didn't know anyone, a good portion of my new team is out of town and man, it's really different from anyplace I've been recently. On top of having my umbrella reverse directions on me on my way into work and getting soaked, I had forgotten my cell phone which means I was EXTRA disconnected. No computer till a little after 5 and I missed a meeting because of it. How very new kid. It's scary starting over. It's scary being one of a lot instead of one of a few. Even for little miss's daunting! Do you know how long it's been since I used a PC?!

When I got home (after taking the El in the wrong direction around the Loop for a stop), I poured a healthy glass of wine and just wallowed in my exhaustion while a massive summer storm started washing over Wicker Park. The sky turned an all too familiar gangrene color, introduced by a childhood spent living on a Mississippi floodplain. And the wind picked up and the sirens went off. Then the hail came and again, I was a little scared.

Then there were some big cracks of thunder and something changed. I didn't start singing about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Instead I turned off every light in my apartment and watched the whole thing go down with my own whiskered scaredy-kitten hiding in my lap. It was exhilarating and with the lights off, it felt a little easier to take some deep breaths in my dark and flashing living room.

I haven't been scared of anything in a very long time but I'm scared of all sorts of shit at the moment. I'm scared of the change, I'm scared of being out on a limb in every sense and I'm scared of all the chances I've been taking. As of right this second, it feels pretty good. Things were fine the way they were for a long time but the only thing scarier than the risks is not taking them and missing out on the best of it.

If I'm just now getting scared, I must be getting to the good part.

Day Two tomorrow and I'm bringing homemade chocolate chip cookies with two kinds of chocolate chips (dark and semi-sweet). I'm not above bribery and cookies are a sometimes food. As in, sometimes you need to bring out the big guns:)

Cookies is sometimes food from Cookie Monster's guest appearance on Colbert.


Gjelly said...

Congrats on your first day at your new job! I was there a few months ago. It's scary! I've met some amazing people though, as I'm SURE you will too.

Let's do coffee next time I'm in Chicago. ;-)

Cheryl said...

The storms were insane, no?

You' get acclimated, I promise. And when you do, it's a great place to work. Come see me! I don't even need a cookie bribe (but that doesn't mean I won't take 'em either ;))

Nilsa S. said...

OMG - scary, but SO EXCITING at the same time. Keep taking deep breaths in between inhaling bites of those scrumptious looking cookies. And all will be fine. Because I know you're gonna shine!

Alexa said...

you can't be strong all 365 days a year, being a wuss is a-ok in my book.

and you are going to do awesome at your new job, don't you worry!!!

elle michelle said...

Starting over SUCKS. That's why so many people stay in unsatisfying jobs -- to their detriment. You've been brave enough to venture out there and it is going to pay off big time. I wish, a thousand times over, that we could have hired you because you're so amazing at your job! Don't forget it.

Anonymous said...

again congrats on your new job!

and i can't believe you brought cookies for the 2nd day....we need people like you around our office.

Susie said...

Looks like the cookies worked?? It sounds like day #2 was a million times better and can I just say, I'm insanely jealous of your totally cool job?!! It's making me want to get out of my apt. and find a "real" job, though hopefully exciting things will be happening here soon as well.

Or maybe I should just move to Chicago and finagle a job along with you :)

I hope that Chicago weather is a little better today as well!!