Monday, October 26, 2009
Butter Me Up, Change My Mind
Can you look a muffin up and down, break down it the middle and watch steam rise from that great valley without pulling a morsel for your mouth?
If the answer for any of you is yes, I behoove you to share your wisdom with the community a la TKTC. Because 99 times out of 100? Don't look at me. If someone made it by hand within 20 miles and a day of when I'm provoked, there is no shame. Only crumbs and a sticky spot on the counter where I set my coffee or tea spoon.
You're not surprised, please don't feel as though you need to humor me with your kind defenses of my self-control. I appreciate the offer but we're all friends here. What's that? You weren't going to argue?
Why, yes. I did say 99 times out of 100. I counted croissants and pain au chocolat as two separate entities if you're wondering how I arrived at that number.
Oh. The 100th time. Caught that did you? Yes. There is an exception.
I'm not actually inclined to tell you what it is.
I don't like scones and I'm not proud of it.
To put this into perspective, I think I was more worried admitting to Jaimeson that I don't opt in for this UK specialty than I was telling him that there was a period in college that I fancied myself Dagney Taggart. He is almost a communist but in many instances I felt that the clotted cream and crumbs were closer to his heart.
I am a Europhile who has never met a charming scone. Is that so wrong?
Don't answer that. The few scones I've had were dry and bland and I do not understand the appeal. I expect at least a small amount of wit, grit and joie de vivre in everything that kisses this cook and that most certainly includes baked goods.
That said, I am frankly so ashamed of this gaping hole in my personal pastry experience and it's something I'd like to improve on with your patient assistance.
Bring me your best. Seduce me with your steaming sweet or savory scones. I will make the best offering with my own two hands at my kitchen table and we'll see. I'm in the mood to be romanced by something with a bit of a brogue.