Hot and Cold

You're hot.

Then you're cold.

You're yes.

Then you're no.

You're in.

Then you're out.

You're up then you're down.

I'm working on getting into the groove of my offline life in the hopes that it will return me to the consistent patter of my writing online life. The one that involved more than facial hair observations and Katy Perry lyrics.

Just stepping into say I'm reading voraciously, have a few recipes up my sleeve and they come with adventures attached. Should you have the need for pie in the interim, I'm going to highly recommend this one.

*Photos by Dave; Pie by Jessi.

Why Violet- You're Turning Violet!

I don't really know how to frame this. Those of you who read my Tumblr or Twitter could be aware that a blog friend turned real life friend turned occasional colleague, HeatherSpohr, lost her daughter last week. I've been thinking about the Spohrs a lot and I've been reading about it a lot as Heather is part of a very tight network of other bloggers, most of whom (present company excluded) are also parents.

Maddie was 1 1/2 and while she was cognitively smart as a whip and seriously sassy (in swimwear and otherwise), it was complications of having born 3 months early that took her very quickly last week. I'd never met Maddie and have only hung out with her mom a couple times but I surprised myself with how hard it hit.

One of the blessings of "the life online" is the ability for people removed by distance or even prior knowledge to spring up, arms open. Between last Tuesday when Maddie passed and today, more than $25K has been raised in her honor for the March of Dimes. A totally separate fund was set up for her parents, to help pay the mountain of medical bills still amassed.

People are turning their avatars purple, their blogs purple and releasing purple balloons today, the day of the memorial service.

It's no secret I love kids. At some point in the distant future I'm hoping to have a few and in the interim, you can find me at 826 Chicago or hanging out with little bits belonging to other people. This is tough stuff but I'm not going to dwell on the sad, it's not Heather's style and it's not mine, so let's think some happy thoughts today.

Like how much good can be accomplished with the money raised for March of Dimes. Wearing a lot of purple today with that in mind.

Senti-Mental

Does anyone out there get the Spring Blues? I know the winter blues are well-documented and, ahem, avoidable but what about Spring? Although maybe I should leave the seasons out of it. Because everything is adding up but I'm feeling a little less than the sum of my parts lately. The one pattern that does support this is that I am no different from other animals in that I retreat when I feel less than my best. I think we can all agree that I've retreated a bit from TKTC.

This all just started coming to a head when I was looking for something specific and decided to check myself out this time last year. The further I get from it, the more I can say I've never felt more supremely, accutely alive than I did for the bulk of 2008.

This time last year I was three months into hard core working out. Three months into allowing myself twitterpation from every angle. The weather was warming up and I was making lemon bars and expecting company and about to run off to Europe with my best friend in tow and my now-boyfriend waiting for me. A few months later, I was fully in a love love love free-fall years in the making and was then offered a shot to take a dream job in the big leagues.

And I love that man and we keep on winning. And I love my job and I get a cool new project by the week. And I can pay my bills and I go out for dinner and I sleep well at night and all whom I love are safe and well and...

I'm still finding myself kinda bummed and it's frustrating. Not in a sharp pain kind of way but in a dull sense of unease that sneaks up on me if I dare to be still for a second. And I think what's been missing? Making time to work out and making time to write. TKTC has fully become an identity for me on several fronts and yet I'm missing in action for weeks at a time. Unease is definitely the right word because I don't wear this feeling well when it comes over me. No panache whatsoever. It's bunchy in all the wrong places. Like when socks slip down in your sneakers and the feeling manages to make your butt look big.

So here it is. An RFP to myself. What shall I do to break on out? Anyone know where I'm coming from here? What works for you? I'm going to start with a workout and some dietary adjustments. Then I'm going to have a dinner party. Then I'm going to clean my house. Then I'm going to buy a plane ticket to Utah or something.