Credit: David Chelsea for the New York TimesSo I think it's pretty apparent what has taken up the bulk of my thoughts lately. I won't even apologize for it- it's been awhile since I allowed myself some honest to God butterflies. Doesn't mean I'm not still working through my usual nonsense:
After a year and a half as enthusiastic but limited edition "friends" and now starting to make more public/sober attachments, I find myself in a position I haven't been in with anyone else in years. I think I want him to be my boyfriend.
I'm alright with the slow boat to this, it's giving me time to figure the logistics out, but at the end of the day when I ask myself what I want (TKTC loves this question), the answer is him.
And I'm being reckless and probably impulsive and I'm not considering the consequences of anything. But that doesn't seem to change the answer and I'd rather get hurt and feel something than jump off now and miss it. Obviously I haven't mentioned a single word of this to him. I think I've started to age backwards mentally. I used to be 42 and now I'm 19.
With that in mind, I came across a FANTASTIC essay done for a NYT contest. Love according to college students. It's love according to me too, I could have written this but not nearly as well. Please God, make the jump. It is worth every second of your reading time.
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22 comments:
Please, oh please don't use facebook as a tool to establish your relationship.
Have the talk. Say, "I want you to be my boyfriend."
It's far easier and it'll get your "relationship" off on the right foot of openness and honesty.
If you ask me, it's a far better way than to be monitoring each other's facebook status...for real.
I totally agree with Shawn! Speaking as someone who lives in an on-going multi-sided internal dialogue, I say that this is not a dialogue that should be internal! If you're not telling him how you feel because you're afraid that he doesn't feel the same and things will be "ruined" then things are already effectively ruined and you'd be better off (in the long run) getting that out in the open. Have the Talk, yo!
much love,
L
p.s. I'm excited to read that essay. I haven't read it yet, but a friend of mine sent me the Jezebel post about it and I thought that was kind of awesome.
That essay was amazing. I love how it ended. It also made me feel kind of depressed and glad that I don't live in New York anymore.
Yay for you being so honest! I'm proud of you :)
But I agree. Do NOT obsess over the Facebook thing. Even if you're not technically single anymore, why does it matter what Facebook says? It doesn't.
And to think, a couple months ago, you were ready to cut off communication :) :) Can't wait to hear more details!
you know that feeling of happiness for someone else that you feel when they've achieved something huge and you're proud? that's exactly what i felt like when i was done reading this post.
the honesty you're allowing yourself to feel is a major thing, especially for girls like us, i don't mean that in a bad way. i love it! awww
My boyfriend and I are probably about to take a hardcore break and had the hilarious conversation of what to do about our facebook relationship status. So messed up, haha.
I think you should definitely be up front with this guy if you care about him and want him so much. You're fantastic, how could we not feel the same way?!
All: I did say the facebook bit with a certain degree of hyperbole. Don't give up on me completely! Yes, it occurred to me. Wish it didn't but welcome to the digital age. But please do not for a minute think that anything that's not "Whatever I Can Get" is what makes a relationship. I will have the conversation but I'm holding out for something a little more organic. And certainly less plugged in!
Otherwise- really glad you guys are enjoying the essay. I bet that girl's got a blog and you better believe I'm going to be looking for it!
Haha, that's good!
My sense of humor is heavily based on hyperbole and sometimes it just does not translate in blog form and I end up sounding like an obsessive loon when I'm actually just kidding. Not that you sounded like an obsessive loon! You just sounded like a lady in love who needs to make sure her man-friend is on the same page.
Overcoat: Bingo- certainly have my loon moments but mostly just your run-of-the-mill DTR-avoidance. But don't you just know I'm falling fast...
You so want him to be your boyfriend.
Ask him! Maybe he wants you to be his girlfriend, too.
Just go for it! You won't regret it. If it turns out badly, we'll all go for many, many drinks.
I agree with Shawn - yet another reason I steer clear of that factory. Too much weight put into a computer screen!
But ... it's so good to hear you swooning. And the things you seem to worry about are logistical in nature - it's the big stuff (the feelings) you have worked out.
Now it's time to act girl. GO GET HIM!
Just read the article. And while her dating (mis)adventures might be more pronounced than mine were ... it does capture dating in the modern era quite well. And that's why it took until I was 33 and scouring the Internet to meet the man of my dreams. Welcome to the 21st century, my friends!
*crosses fingers for TKTC*
Good luck, babe!
Well, this is exciting!! Good luck!
And I agree with everyone else, don't touch the facebook status thing. A few weeks ago the leading story on CNN.com was about how a relationship isn't a relationship until it says so on your facebook. I almost hurled.
Sass: He'll be here for a week or so in June and my guess is that there will be a conversation that happens then. I will need beaucoup d'alcohol no matter what the outcome is!
Nilsa: I have come to the conclusion that glib does not translate well on the internet. I caught myself in the thought and then thought it was funny/absurd but I am not actually that tightly wound around social networking sites. You're right though, I am going to have to tell him. No way around that one and I kinda want to which I take to be a good sign. And I'm glad you found the same sense from the article. She just impressed the hell out of me!
Ang: Thanks!!! I'm hoping we're on the same page, if not the same continent, but better to find out sooner rather than later!
Chard: A relationship is a relationship when you decide not to fuck other people. Call me a traditionalist:)
Thank you for letting me know you liked the Ranger cookies!
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