Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Senti-Mental

Does anyone out there get the Spring Blues? I know the winter blues are well-documented and, ahem, avoidable but what about Spring? Although maybe I should leave the seasons out of it. Because everything is adding up but I'm feeling a little less than the sum of my parts lately. The one pattern that does support this is that I am no different from other animals in that I retreat when I feel less than my best. I think we can all agree that I've retreated a bit from TKTC.

This all just started coming to a head when I was looking for something specific and decided to check myself out this time last year. The further I get from it, the more I can say I've never felt more supremely, accutely alive than I did for the bulk of 2008.

This time last year I was three months into hard core working out. Three months into allowing myself twitterpation from every angle. The weather was warming up and I was making lemon bars and expecting company and about to run off to Europe with my best friend in tow and my now-boyfriend waiting for me. A few months later, I was fully in a love love love free-fall years in the making and was then offered a shot to take a dream job in the big leagues.

And I love that man and we keep on winning. And I love my job and I get a cool new project by the week. And I can pay my bills and I go out for dinner and I sleep well at night and all whom I love are safe and well and...

I'm still finding myself kinda bummed and it's frustrating. Not in a sharp pain kind of way but in a dull sense of unease that sneaks up on me if I dare to be still for a second. And I think what's been missing? Making time to work out and making time to write. TKTC has fully become an identity for me on several fronts and yet I'm missing in action for weeks at a time. Unease is definitely the right word because I don't wear this feeling well when it comes over me. No panache whatsoever. It's bunchy in all the wrong places. Like when socks slip down in your sneakers and the feeling manages to make your butt look big.

So here it is. An RFP to myself. What shall I do to break on out? Anyone know where I'm coming from here? What works for you? I'm going to start with a workout and some dietary adjustments. Then I'm going to have a dinner party. Then I'm going to clean my house. Then I'm going to buy a plane ticket to Utah or something.

8 comments:

Bayjb said...

I find myself having a little early spring blues too. I like to think it's more about moving from winter into spring the reality that the winter weight won't just fall off (why not?) and change in seasons. Chin up girl!

joner said...

can I come to your dinner party? or join you in utah?

I miss the tktc updates ... and you!

hopefully I'll be back in the windy city soon.

xoxo joner

Anonymous said...

You call it Spring Blues... I call it Spring Fever. Either way, it'll twist everyones heart one way or another. About the plane ticket to Utah... by Utah, you mean Columbus, correct? I think a little mo'reunion is what your Spring is missing at the moment, and I know just the mo for you... I love you Jessi! peter

flats said...

I 100% here where you're coming from and I think everyone goes through this from time to time. It's like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things can't really be this good, can they? It sounds like you're more in a routine now then last year and might need to spicen things up!

TKTC said...

JB: I think you nailed it. I need more walks! More sunshine!

Joner: Lady, I was thinkin of you all day yesterday. Yes, you can come to dinner AND to Utah if you like. We've sorely missed you- come back soon!

Peter: You are THE homo of my life and my first successful male cohabitation. I'm going to go listen to some old school Black Eyed Peas and some Katy Perry. That oughta be an insta-fix! Pride! Market Days! Sooner rather than later!

TKTC said...

Flatss: You snuck right in there! I think you're right, there was a degree of uncertainty last year that was rather delicious, if angst-inducing at times. Time to set the bar a little higher- who isn't a little happier when striving for something?

ANG* said...

totally know how you feel lady! however, your way with words is much better than mine. most of the time i cant even get my head around why i am feeling bummed out of no where.

this warming weather and ending of march should help things right?

and yes, working out and getting back a routine that lets you feel good (even if you dont want to be there at the time) always helps. lemme know if you need a jogging buddy. im always looking for an excuse to head west.

also, i've only heard amazing things about these dinner parties. can i come? :)

oooooo and we need to get our girls night at violet hour on our calendars!

(excuse my novel)

TKTC said...

Ang: There is no "Excuse My Novel." The only appropriate signoff might've been "You're Welcome" to my presumptive "Thank you for your awesome remarks and volunteerism. And to that point- YES COME TO DINNER! Opening up the garden again in a matter of weeks and the spring produce is sure to fall in! As for a running buddy...I'd hate to do that to you. But I can be a grand yoga buddy!